Text Leveling System

It's All Greek to Me

RDQ:	1501	Max Word/Sent	58	Total Words	4432		Diff Words	1084
Lex	830	Ave Word/.Sent	8	Hi Freq occurs	3187	71.9%	Hi freq	462	42.6%
AR	4.3	Long Sentences	6.2	Low Freq occurs	310	7%	Low freq	190	17.5%

"Nice doggie nice doggie nice doggie " said Sam.
The monster barked three times once with each of its three giant heads.
"A three headed dog?" Fred pulled down his Yankees cap with a giant paper eye pinned on it. "You have got to be kidding."
The three heads snarled showed fangs and drooled and drooled and drooled. They didn't look like they were kidding.
"Down boy down boy down boy" said Sam to the dog. "Do something" said Sam to me.
Fred Sam and I backed against a cold wet rock. We checked what weapons we had to fight this beast. Sam held a lyre. Fred gripped his aluminum foil covered thunderbolt. And I was armed with]]
one gold spray painted plastic apple. That and our bed sheet togas were all we had.
Screams and groans echoed in the dim mist all around us. I looked for some way around the growling mad demon dog. He was standing guard over the one and only path out.
"How the heck did this happen?" said. Fred. "One minute we're about to go onstage for our school play the next minute we're in hell."
"I believe it's called Hades Cyclops head" said Sam. "Since I'm guessing that triple headed drooler is Cerberus guard dog of the ancient Greek underworld."
"But that's not real" said Fred. "That's just mythology stuff like in the play. And things like this only]]
happen when we mess with The Book. And Joe swore he locked that thing up. And"
Cerberus barked madly. "And Joe?" said Sam. "Well I kind of . . ." I said. "Joe?" said Fred.
"I sort of. . ."
"JOE?!" said Sam and Fred.
"Okay I stuck The Book in my backpack because Uncle Joe is coming to the show tonight and I was going to give it back to him but when Fred hit The Book and the script with the thunderbolt it must have set something off because that's when the green mist started" I blurted out in one breath.
Sam and Fred looked at me like they were going to kill me.
Cerberus three headed dog of Greek mythology looked at us like he was definitely going to kill us and enjoy eating us.
"I wouldn't say you're a perfect idiot" said Sam. "Nobody's perfect."
The beast was so close we could see its six bloodshot eyes.
"Well do one of those magic tricks you're]]
always talking about and get us out of here" said Fred.
I racked my brain for any good magic tricks for dogs.
"Sit!" I yelled. "Stay! Roll over! Play dead!" Cerberus growled and stepped closer.
"Joe?" said Sam nervously. "I don't think this is working."
"This never fails" I said. I picked up a small rock and threw it into the gloomy mist. "Fetch!" Not one of the three slobbering heads even turned to look.
One head locked its red eyes on Sam. One head stared at Fred. One head zeroed in on me. The thing was so close we could see each thick black hair raised on its back and smell each blast of its roadkill breath.
The last thing I remember thinking was: "What a way to go eaten by a nasty smelling monster that isn't even real."]]
I can just hear one of you smart guys out there saying "How can you travel into Greek mythology? I thought The Book could only travel through time."
Honestly I have no idea how we ended up facing the three headed dog of the underworld from Greek mythology.
Well I have some idea but it wasn't really my fault.
Okay it was kind of my fault but I was only trying to get things back to normal by putting The Book back in Uncle Joe's hands:
See my life has' been just too strange for words since my uncle Joe' gave me this book for my birthday.
I'm sure you've got books for your birthday]]
before. But this book is like no other book before or since. It's a small book. A dark blue book with odd silver writing and symbols on it. It's a time warping book.
And yes I'll admit it. I have no idea how The Book works or how to control it. But I do know it's sent Fred Sam and me back to the Stone Age forward to the future and even into other books.
One thing that always stays the same is the green time traveling mist that comes out of The Book. The other thing is that once we go some where the only way we can get back. is to find The Book in that new time or place.
Get it? Got it. Good.]]
Like I said it wasn't my fault. But here's what I think happened:
Our whole grade was backstage in the school auditorium five minutes before the first performance of our play The Myth o f Power. It was a play about gods and goddesses and mortals and monsters and all that Greek mythology stuff we were studying in school. We had made some great sets of Mount Olympus (the mountain all the gods live on top of) and the underworld Hades.
The music teacher was the director so most of the play was about how music is the answer for everything. But we helped write a lot of the scenes so all the gods and goddesses sounded like a bunch of wiseguys. We also got to make some excellent thunderbolts to throw around and wrote in a lot of fight scenes for the monsters.
Anyway that's why' we were all standing around at school dressed up in bedsheet togas. Fred was a one eyed Cyclops with an eye pinned on his Yankees hat. Sam was Orpheus wandering around playing his lyre. I was Paris the good looking guy who has to decide which goddess is the fairest and give her the golden apple.]]
While we waited Sam was rereading his Book o f Snappy Insults for the millionth time.. We had been using all the good ones for the past month and even managed to get a few in the play. Fred was pacing trying to remember all two of his lines. And I think that's when it happened.
"Help me out Joe" said Fred. "David says Hey you guys look!' Then do I say We made those thunderbolts? Or does Charlie say his line first?"
"Cyclops Fred" said Sam "if you had to live by your wits you'd starve."
Fred picked up an aluminum foil covered thunderbolt and bopped Sam on the head. with it.
I took my script out of my backpack. "Here it is. David says Hey you guys look!' Charlie says Our thunderbolts.' Then your line is We made those thunderbolts."' I stuffed the script back into my backpack.
"Something is preying on your mind Fred" said Sam. "But don't worry. It will die of starvation."
Fred swung his thunderbolt again. Sam ducked. Fred missed. The thunderbolt hit my backpack. Something glowed weirdly for a second inside my
backpack. Then my pack started leaking green mist.
I saw the house lights go black. I heard the piano playing the beginning of the first musical number. Our Greek myth play was starting. And Fred Sam and I were swirling off in a green mist time tornado farther and stranger than we'd ever gone before.
Cerberus crouched ready to spring.
Fred held  up his aluminum foil thunderbolt. Sam tried to hide behind his lyre.
"That's it!" I yelled:
"No kidding his is it,said Sam. "I just never thought I'd die in a bedsheet toga."
"No you can save us" I said. "Just like in the play. Remember? Orpheus puts Cerberus to sleep with music from his lyre."
"There's just one small difference" said Sam. "In the play I'm putting to sleep Ben with two extra stuffed dog heads coming out of his sweatshirt. Here I'm putting to sleep ... A LIVE MAD DROOLING GROWLING MONSTER!!! "
Fred looked desperate. "Well this aluminum foil thunderbolt isn't going to do much for us. Why]]
don't you give it a try? What have we got to lose?" Sam cradled his lyre and nervously plucked a few strings.
Cerberus froze then cocked one head to listen. Sam plucked the beginning of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."
Cerberus sat down. Now all three heads were beginning to listen.
"I think it's working" I whispered.
Sam finished  "Twinkle Twinkle" and started again.
One head growled. Sam kept playing. Two heads growled.
"He doesn't want to hear that song: again" said Fred.
"It's the only song I know" whispered Sam frantically. He began another round of  "Twinkle Twinkle."
All three heads growled.
"Wait a minute. I've got the real answer" said Fred digging into a pocket under his Cyclops costume.
Sam started "Twinkle Twinkle" for a fourth time.]]
Cerberus howled opened his jaws and jumped forward to snap Sam in one mad gulp. Sam fell back. Fred tossed the thing from his pocket. The middle head chomped it in half and stopped in midair.
Half a piece of chocolate cake fell from the middle head's mouth. The left head sniffed it. The right head bit it. Then all three heads were snap ping at each other fighting for the last chunk of cake.
"My last Ding Dong" said Fred. "Now let's make a break for it."
No one had to tell us twice. We ran up the path past Cerberus who was busy snarling fighting and biting himself. We ran past a guy rolling a huge rock up a hill. We ran past another guy reaching for fruit and water that kept moving away. We ran past spooky shadows and sights that we didn't want to see until we finally burst above ground into the sweet green grass and beautiful hot sunshine.
"Yikes" huffed Sam. "I take back every bad thing I ever said about you Fred. That Ding Dong was a stroke of pure genius."
We lay back on the grass and soaked up the sun]]
trying to catch our breath and shake off the creepy cold and gloom of the underworld.
"So once again let me guess" said Sam squinting through his glasses up at the clouds. "We've lost The Book and will never get home unless we find it."
"Well ... yeah" I said:
"I've seen better heads on cabbage" said Insult Master Sam..
"And as usual we have no idea where it is" said Fred:
"Well : .  yeah" I said. "But now we know it's not down in Hades. And since I think The Book has somehow sent us into our own play and the Greek myths all mixed together the only other place it can be is Mount Olympus."
"Great" said Fred. "And with our luck I'll bet the god who has it is probably the biggest meanest and strongest one of the bunch."
"Zeus" said Sam squinting into the clouds. "Yep king of the gods on Mount Olympus" I said.
"Zeus" said Sam.
"So how do we get up there?" said Fred. "Zeus!" said Sam lifting his arm.]]
"Okay okay we know the guy's name already" said Fred. "How do we find him?"
"Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!" croaked Sam pointing to the clouds.
The shadow of a giant eagle suddenly covered us from above. With a whoosh of feathers and a burst of light the monster bird changed into a huge white bearded god standing right in front of us. He pointed one threatening finger at us.
"YOU!" he thundered. "Zeus?" we said. ]]
"YOU" boomed Zeus in a voice that blew the hair straight back from our heads. "YOU STOLE MY THUNDERBOLTS!"
Sam and I stood frozen like statues.
Fred lifted up his aluminum foil covered thunderbolt. "This? Aw this is just"
"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT THING!"" : yelled Zeus.
Fred faked throwing the thunderbolt. Zeus ducked again. I could almost see the lightbulb of an idea go on in Fred's head. "Yeah we have your thunderbolt and we're looking to trade."
"Ah you Cyclopses are such a pain" said Zeus. "I try to help you and this is how you repay me? Ai yi yi." Zeus sat down on a nearby boulder. He squinted at Fred. "And what kind of Cyclops are]]
you anyway? I've never seen a Cyclops with three eyes."
"Three eyes?" said Fred. Then he felt the one eye taped to his Yankees cap. "Oh right. Well I ... uhh..."
"Never mind" I said. "We are looking for a small blue book. Have you seen such a thing?" Zeus turned his fiery gray eyes on me. "And who are you to speak puny mortal? And where did you get the bad fitting toga and strange sandals?" I tried to adjust my bedsheet toga and look noble in my sneakers.. "I'm Joe ... uh ... Paris." I said. "I'm the Cyclops' agent. And we're looking to trade thunderbolts for The Book."
Zeus held his head in his hands. "Lost thunderbolts nasty Cyclopses greedy mortals  what a day. But if Hera finds out my thunderbolts are lost I'm sunk."
Fred Sam and I looked at each other. This was getting scary. This wasn't the all powerful Zeus you read about in Greek myths. This guy was the goofy thunderbolt losing Zeus from our play.
We couldn't believe it. Our own characters from the play had come to life. Then just like in Act 2 we heard a screeching female voice from above.]]
"Zeus? Zeus is that you down there?"
It was a line right from the play but it wasn't Sara speaking it.
Zeus jumped to his feet. "It's Hera my wife. She can't find out that my thunderbolts are gone. If she knows everyone will know. What a blabbermouth. You've got to help me. Get rid of her."
I still didn't know how The Book had managed to bring our twisted version of Greek mythology to life. But I did know the only way to get out.
"Then will you help us find The Book?" I asked. "Book papyrus tablet ... whatever you want" said Zeus. "Just get rid of her." Zeus dove behind the boulder.
A gorgeous woman leading a peacock appeared from behind a tree.]]
"Hera?" I said.
"No I'm the meter maid" said Hera sarcastically. "Now where is that bum Zeus? I know I heard him thundering around down here. Where is he? Answer me. Are you paying attention?"
"I did once but it wouldn't pay me back" said Sam.
Hera turned on Sam widening her eyes looking like she was going to fry him on the spot. I knew Sam had gone too far trying one of his insults on a goddess. Now it didn't matter where The Book was. We were all doomed to be burned like toast. Hera raised one arm pointed at Sam and burst out laughing.
"Now that's the funniest thing I've heard one of you mortals say in a long time"; said Hera still laughing. "Your kind usually just shrivels up and goes dumb when I speak to you. Maybe you can help me out."
"We'd love to help you out" said Sam. "Which way did you come in?"
"One of us is crazy. But don't worry I'll keep your secret" answered Hera with her own insult. "Where have you been all my life? And when]]
are you going back there?" countered Sam.
Hera gave another laugh. "How can I miss you when you won't go away?"
Sam grinned. "I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception."
Hera howled laughing so hard she was crying. Sam added another. "You have a face like a baby and a mind to match."
Fred and I were cracking up.
"Stop stop" said Hera tears of laughter running down her face. "I give up. Who are you? I see you are a follower of the goddess of victory." "Huh?" said Sam.
"You wear her name on your sandals Nike." "Oh right" said Sam. "I'm Sam Orpheus follower of Nike. That's Fred Cyclops worshiper of Reebok. And that's Joe Paris nuts over Fila." Hera looked us over. "I don't think I know Reebok or Fila. Hmmm. Well no matter. I was going to turn you all into poisonous little mushrooms for insulting me and stopping me from finding Zeus. But forget that old windbag."
The rock Zeus was hiding behind gave a little rumble.]]
"You should come up to the feast on Mount Olympus. We always need fresh entertainment. Bring your thunderbolt. And what is that you have there young man?"
"It's a golden apple ma'am ... er your goddess ness" I stammered.
"And who is it for?" asked Hera.
I tried to shut Fred up because I knew what he was going to say and I knew it could only mean trouble for me. But I couldn't stop him.
"It's for the fairest" blurted out Fred.
"For me? You shouldn't have" said Hera. "Now you must come up to Mount Olympus." My head was spinning. In the last half hour we had gone from starting our school play to Hades to being invited to Mount Olympus. If things kept going anything like our play I could guess what was going to happen if. I went up to Mount Olympus with just one apple addressed to "The Fairest." All the gods .and goddesses would fight over it and blame me.
"C'mon Joe let's go" said Fred. "You said it yourself. The Book is probably up on Mount Olympus."]]
"On second thought I'm sure there's no blue book up there" I said trying desperately to think of a good excuse to not go up to Mount Olympus.
"The blue book?" said Hera. "Why of course we have it. I use it all the time."
"All right" said Sam. "So let's make like a tree and leaf."
Hera laughed: "Let's make like a deck of cards and shuffle off."
"We really shouldn't" I said still trying to think of why we shouldn't when I heard a sound that instantly changed my mind:
It was a sound I had suggested to end Act 1 of the play. It was the sound of marching feet one voice calling the others answering:
We are monsters we are tough.
WE ARE MONSTERS WE ARE TOUGH. We don't take nobody's guff.
WE DON'T TAKE NOBODY'S GUFF Sound off!
MONSTERS! Say it again! MONSTERS!]]
Bring it on down!
MONSTERS MONSTERS MONSTERS WE RULE!
It was the sound of Typhon the hundred dragon headed boss of the monsters leading a nightmare collection of bad guys from Greek mythology looking for a fight. It had seemed like a funny idea when we wrote the play. Now it didn't seem quite so funny.
The tramp of feet grew louder. I thought about what would happen when Typhon snake haired Medusa the half man half bull  Minotaur and real Cyclopses  with real thunderbolts showed up.
"You know what I think?"; I said. "I think we should make like a drum and beat it."]]
We flew across the earth up a jagged mountainside and into the clouds in a second. We found ourselves standing in a glowing misty throne room. "Mount Olympus" said Hera.
Fred Sam and I gasped in one voice "Wow." We had tried to imagine what Mount Olympus might look like when we built the set for our play but this place: was way beyond our imagination. Golden light and warmth filled the air. White mist swirled everywhere. Eleven robed people stood talking in groups. Twelve thrones lined the room. "Wait here while I go gather the gods and goddesses" said Hera. "And don't touch  anything. You break it you bought it." She laughed at her own joke and walked over to the other gods.
We stared at the incredible thrones. Each was]]
different. The biggest one had an emblem of an eagle clutching jagged thunderbolts.
"Our man Zeus's seat" whispered Sam.
The throne next to it was covered with carvings of horse heads and waves.
"His brother Poseidon" said Sam.
The next was all fancy gold and jewels and iron work.
"Hephaestus the blacksmith" said Sam.
Next was a fierce looking vulture's head throne. "Ares" continued Sam.]]
"How do you know all this stuff?" asked Fred. "Fred if you had a brain you'd be dangerous" answered Sam. "We've only been studying this stuff and writing it into the play for the last two months."
Fred whacked Sam with his thunderbolt. "Knock it off you guys" I said. "We may need that thunderbolt to find The Book and get  out of here."
"We're going to need a little more magic than this" said Fred holding up his bent thunderbolt. Sam named the throne with a lyre the one   with a winged staff and the last in the row with bunches of grapes. "Apollo Hermes and Dionysus."
"And the other side must be the goddesses' thrones  just like our set" I said.
"Yep" said Sam. And he named the thrones like it was a quiz. "Peacock throne Hera. Wheat and fruit Demeter. Owl Athena. Dove Aphrodite. Moon Artemis. Hestia doesn't have a throne. She takes care of the charcoal fire over there." "Congratulations" said Fred. "Now do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?"
"Right this way divine ones" said Hera leading]]
everyone over to us. "I have some new talent I would like you to meet."
The gods and goddesses drifted over around Hera's throne. Sam nervously adjusted his glasses. Fred straightened his thunderbolt and tried to look tough. I 'hid the golden apple behind my back.
"Olympians" said Hera "I want you to meet this trio of very charming beings I just met down on Earth. This is Sam Orpheus friend of Nike. . ." Sam bowed and strummed his lyre.
"Fred Cyclops follower of Reebok . . ."
Fred lifted his thunderbolt and flexed his arm. And Joe Paris cohort of Fila."
I nodded and kept both hands behind my back. "Please introduce yourselves to our guests" said Hera to the Olympians
An angry looking man with a trident stepped forward. "Poseidon god of the sea. And I should be king of this bunch but that no good brother of mine tricked me."
"I'm Demeter goddess of crops" said a woman holding a bundle of wheat.
The ugliest guy there took a limping step forward holding a giant hammer. "Hephaestus god of blacksmiths and the working man and]]"
"And lucky for him husband to me Aphrodite the goddess of love" said a voice like honey.
I looked over and saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen I suddenly went all hot. My head buzzed. My heart pounded. The room started to spin.
"Oh turn off the Love Rays for a minute would you?" said a goddess carrying a bow. "Call me Artemis goddess of the hunt."
"A hunt? A fight? I'm there sir! Ares sir! God of war sir!" A tough looking guy wearing a metal helmet waved his blood stained spear from side to side. He winked at Aphrodite. "Let me at 'em. I'll rip their heads off. I'll slice their guts out. I'll "
"Apollo" said a young fellow with a soft voice ignoring Ares. "Twin brother of Artemis. God of music poetry and medicine."
"You're so weak you couldn't lick a lollipop" said Ares.
"You're certainly strong" said Apollo. "But bad breath isn't everything."
"If you can't say something.nice don't say anything at all" said another goddess.
Sam nudged me. "Hey check it out. She sounds just like your mom."]]
I looked again. There was something spookily familiar about her.
"I'm Hestia goddess of the hearth and home." "Nah" I said. "She just sounds like everybody's mom."
"Hermes messenger god of travelers merchants bankers and thieves" said a guy with wings on his sandals.
"Athena" said a woman holding an owl. "Goddess of wisdom and"
"And PARTY!" sang out a wild little guy dressed mostly in vines. "Dionysus! God of wine and party time." Dionysus twirled a quick dance step. Ares rolled his eyes.
Hera looked over the crowd. "There. I think that's all of us ... all except Hades of course. He stays down in that gloomy underworld he rules."
Sam Fred and I shivered at the thought of that nasty place.
"And the supposed king of us all my husband Zeus who seems to be better at disappearing than ruling" added Hera in an annoyed tone. "I wonder where he could be?"
Sam looked at Fred and me. We all shrugged our shoulders.]]
"Well forget Old Thunder Butt" said Hera. "We'll start the party without him."
"You tell him!" called Dionysus. The rest of the gods and goddesses laughed and cheered.
"So entertain us" said Hera.
We looked at the assembled gods and, goddesses. They looked at us. There was a long pause.
"Are you talking to us?" said Sam.
"No I'm talking to myself and you overheard me" laughed Hera. "Of course I'm talking  to you."
"Of course" answered Sam laughing nervously. We all realized we were about to be revealed as the fakes we were.
"A clever trick would be nice" said Athena goddess of wisdom.
"Something with a good dance beat" shouted Dionysus god of wine.
"Well I do know one song" said Sam. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and plucked a quick version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on his lyre.
Dead silence.
"Weak" said Apollo god of music. "Very weak."]]
"I think we should rip his arms off" said Ares. "What have you got Thunderbolt Boy?"
"Me?" said Fred. And I think that was the first time I ever saw Fred look more than a little nervous. I think it might have had something to do with the way Ares kept waving around that blood stained spear
"Oh you wouldn't want me to do anything with this thunderbolt" said Fred. "Trust me. Unless you happen to have a .thin blue book with silver markings on it. Anyone got a thin blue book?"
Everyone stared at us. This was one tough crowd.
"No I didn't think so" said Fred. "But that's okay because for the best trick ever the guy who got us into this will now get us  out of it. Take it
away; Joe! "This is boring" said Demeter. "Can we go back to our nectar and ambrosia now?"
Hera looked thoroughly annoyed. "Fellows. Tricks please. Don't bore us. You don't want to feel the wrath of the angry gods and goddesses of Mount Olympus."
"No siree" said Sam pushing me forward. "We positively do not want to feel the wrath of the]]

Subjective Criteria

Illustrations: Little support

Dialog: Multiple speakers

Dialog: Broken dialogue

Vocabulary: Some difficult words

Language: Many descriptive words

Sentences: Multiple phrases

Text structure: Story/Poem

Inferences: Some implications

Complexity: Several ideas - closely related

Concept: Fanciful

Features

Difficult names

Topic

Time

Magic

Heroes

Good/Evil

Myths

*Fictional Ideas/Charac

Low Frequency Words

adjust	adjusted	agent	aluminum	ambrosia
annoyed	aphrodite	ares	artemis	assembled
athena	auditorium	blabbermouth	blacksmiths	bloodshot
blurted	boulder	c'mon	charcoal	cohort
congratulations	countered	crouched	cyclopses	demeter
demon	desperately	dionysus	disappearing	divine
drooled	drooler	drooling	echoed	emblem
excellent	exception	eyed	fairest	familiar
fault	fellow	fellows	fiery	fitting
flexed	foil	follower	frantically	future
genius	goddess	goddesses	gorgeous	gripped
gulp	guy's	hades	haired	head's
hearth	hell	hephaestus	hera	hera's
hermes	hestia	honestly	idiot	ignoring
imagination	incredible	instantly	insult	insulting
insults	introduce	jagged	jewels	laughter
lightbulb	limping	lyre	ma'am	madly
markings	medal	medicine	medusa	merchants
messenger	midair	millionth	minotaur	mortal
mortals	mount	mountainside	mushrooms	musical
myth	mythology	myths	nah	nectar
nervously	nightmare	noble	nudged	olympians
olympus	onstage	orpheus	ourselves	overheard
pacing	papyrus	paris	pause	peacock
performance	plucked	poetry	poisonous	poseidon
positively	preying	puny	pure	racked
repay	rereading	revealed	roadkill	robed
ruling	sandals	sarcastically	scenes	shrivels
shrugged	shuffle	siree	slobbering	snarled
snarling	spookily	squinted	staff	stammered
starvation	statues	straightened	strummed	sweatshirt
swirled	swirling	symbols	tablet	thieves
thoroughly	threatening	thrones	thunderbolt	thunderbolts
thundered	thundering	toga	togas	tornado
trident	trio	typhon	ugliest	underworld
wandering	warmth	warping	weapons	weirdly
windbag	winged	wisdom	wiseguys	worshiper
wrath	yankees	yourselves	zeroed